The after divorce feeling

Am I happy after divorced ? I have posted on my facebook wall as : the day has finally arrived..I am done with it.

The comments that I received are congratulations / great days ahead / way to go and etc. They know exactly how I should feel about this day.

I guess for those who are not aware of what I was going through earlier, maybe it sounded like I just got married. But it is the otherwise...I have just divorced, I ended my marriage of 13 years. I wasn't sure of what is the feeling...but fore sure it is a relief. I know I have a closure to the relationship that has turned bad and unpleasant. It is good for both of us. For him, if he wishes to remarry and settle down with a new partner...I wish him well. As for me, I want a release from the past...the rest is history.

I have so much to look forward to. The life ahead of me will be blissful and happy. The new journey will be exciting and interesting part of my life. So much about me, most importantly is I am happy mom who will bring happiness to the kids. They have gone through a rough time too...they have seen how I suffered emotionally that had affected them too. The kids deserve a happy parent...it is my responsibility to bring them up happily. They may have shadows of the past...from now onwards, I hope the shadow of the past will slowly disappear from them.

I can see their joy on their little faces a few days ago when we went out for family dinner. All three were trying to get their attention from us. This is all about parenting. I am glad I have beautiful and fun children.

I am a new person, a person who has strengthen my faith in life, a person who is about to embark on a new experience. Anything about to happen in my life will only be a wonderful and truly happy life for all.

The happiness is in my hand !

Eventful Week - I have resigned, I have divorced

It has been quite an eventful week. It is more to do with making decision. Every decision that I made will affect me for the rest of my new chapter of life.

Firstly I have tendered my resignation after almost two years working in this company. A place that I have learnt new experienced no doubt about it. Unfortunately, it is the environment and the people (not all) that I just couldn't blend in well. When I first started working in this company, I encountered some age gap, and also the mentality and attitudes toward work is far different from my previous environment. However, after some discussion with the management, I tried and it was ok. Somehow in life, we need to move on and I decided to.

Now, the next decision or rather something decided almost two years ago finally concluded. My divorce proceeding since November 2008 has called it the day. It is 10 May 2010, we finally stood in front of the judge and accepted to dissolved the marriage vow that we made in 1997. When you are the registrar of marriage, you said "I Do", at the Family Court, you declare "I do...understand". It is that you understand your responsibility after the divorce. My first experience...hahahah obviously, the court is packed with all strangers other than your supporting family members, ex husband and the legal counsel. It is quite funny that the legal counsel read out what is agreed upon the petition to the whole audience....hahahaha, and ours seems to be the longest read!

After the court announced it will be legalised after 3 months, I suddenly asked myself if I have asked for a lot from him. Sadly, I feel the whole marriage turned bad was due to financial matter. Money seems to be in the way in life, and create obstacle and trouble for many. Business partner turned sour, employer not honoring what had been promised eg.. commission and salary, marriage couple coping with bills and financial commitment..

I have a life to live with three young kids..I need to organise our lives! My ex (officially certified today) was having small argument with me outside the court room. He raised some money matter of the past, and he claimed he is paying me more than what he used to provide the house. I asked myself again, he asked for divorce, he said he will provide etc..etc..and I asked for what I feel we deserved, and he agreed. However yesterday morning in the court, he sounded like I had put a gun at his head to agree, and seem to me I had forced it. Why is it still so unfair to me ? The petition is mutual and if one feels unacceptable, why accept ?

Whatever it is, the most disheartening is he never even asked about the children ? It is coming to three years and the only picture I have sent to him is probably 2 years ago and yet he shown no care or concern about them at all. Whatever is written in the petition about the access to visit the kids are bullshit. It was all written so that the divorce can pull through as he denied all access to the kids since the day he decided to divorce.

Ok..life move on, new chapter, new job and new life. The past has its closure and it is the future and the new journey that matters.

Everyday will be a beautiful day, blessed one and a grateful one.

With metta to all, especially family and friends that have been giving me lots of moral support.

A Conference To Remember

The last week of April had been really busy for me. The conference that I have been working on for almost one year finally took the stage.

Originally targeted for 700 persons but it hit only 500 persons and it is a good number. It is not a world class congress but Asean level and the support from the local has been encouraging. The programme was packed for 2 1/2 days.

The site is crowded with over 21 booths exhibiting their services and products. It has been such a good experience for me managing the entire project. It is like a pregnancy process but it took longer than 40 weeks. So one can imagine the size of the baby "project"....hahaha! The process went through some hiccups...just like any pregnancy you bound to have some difficulties here and there. Finally, the baby is ready to see the world..and some preparation required for the labour, quite a painful one !

There is another event that I organised in conjunction with this Asean Federation of Haematology Conference. It is a CML (Leukemia) event for patients. Some of them look as good as anyone of us. It is heart touching to see how one encourages another to be strong.

At the end of the event, nothing is perfect as much as we hope it will be. We have our own scorecard be it the client, vendor, myself and the delegates. It is hard to please all, but as long as we consciously know our commitment and responsibilities toward the job that matters most. I did my best !

With metta to all !

Damage Control Day

The last few days hasn't been easy at work. It is like a time bomb, expecting it to explode and see how far the damage is.

Finally, the bomb exploded and I had to deal with the damage control. Thankfully the damage hasn't killed anyone but it is enough to keep me in maximum stress level for the past 48 hours. I couldn't sleep, I had the most worrying face and the look that one can tell I am unhappy and concern. I lost the sweet smile on my face...

The day finally came that I have to face all and deal with it. It is like you enter a room that you are about to be sentenced to death and you need to appeal not guilty. The look on everyone is not friendly...my heart felt like I will die soon.

Somehow, it is about taking some courage and face the fact. I explained what I could and made sensible explanation to all based on the actual situation. At the end, it went well...the damage control is solved...not 100% though ! Still need to do some follow up and hopefully by the end of the week, it will be over.

Most importantly...everyone is happy. Process is an experience but a desirable outcome is more important.

Good night and wishing all of you a wonderful day !

Buddha Said No !

This was forwarded to me and I find it cute....just post it here for my own reading in the future ! Hope it makes some sense to you too !

I asked Buddha to take away my 'bad' habits.


Buddha said, No.


It is not for me to take away,
but for you to give it up.

I asked Buddha to make my handicapped whole.
Buddha said, No.
Your spirit is whole, and your body is only temporary.

I asked Buddha to grant me Patience.

Buddha said, No.

Patience is a byproduct of tribulations;
it isn't granted, it is learned.

I asked buddha to give me Happiness.

Buddha said, No.

I give you blessings;
Happiness is up to you.

I asked buddha to spare me Pain.

Buddha said, No.

Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares and brings you closer to enlightenment.



I asked Buddha to make my spirit grow.
Buddha said, No.

You must grow on your own, but I will prune you to make you fruitful.

I asked Buddha for all things
that I might enjoy life.

Buddha said, No.
I will give you life, so that you may enjoy all things.


I asked Buddha to help me LOVE others, as much as He loves me.
Buddha said... Ahhhh,
finally you have the idea!!!


If you love others as much as you would have love yourself, send this to those you know.



THE DAYS ARE YOURS &
DON'T WASTE IT AWAY.


May The Blessings of the Buddhas be with You always,

'To the world you might be one person,
But to one person you just might be the world'

'May Buddha Bless you and keep you safe always,
May Buddha's radiance shine upon you,
And give you Peace, Health & Prosperity always'

'Good friends are like stars....
You don't always see them, But you know they are always there.

Loveless Family

I was reading a book about forgiving and I realize I was overly ambitious about re-bonding my ex husband and his family.

My family is not the most perfect family, parents are not the role model of one very happily married couple, but both of them showed us love and the strength of family unity and never leave us to feel loveless. They are just like any couple, arguments are just part of being together but through the bad times, both of them have never walked out the family.

When I first met my ex husband, I came to understand his family background and the disharmony in it. He felt little love from the family and preferred to stay out on his own after Form 5. He knows very well his mom loves him but the family was not capable of providing him much to further his study. He had a bad childhood when his father left the family for few years and back to the family again. He knew how much his mom suffered when she had to single handedly managed the family.

I know he withdrew himself very much from the family and after we got married, I tried to bring him closer to his family as I believe in family harmony and closeness is very important. I did what a daughter in law would do and we had a few good years...sadly it didn't have the best achievement and I don't know if it was my fault to even bring him back to the family. Finally when my father in law passed away, it is a sight of loveless family that I see in him. Truly very sad that he chose to be away from all of us.

Now looking back at his childhood, he should know the suffering and pain of a woman keeping up with life looking after her children and why did he allow it to happen again !

Till today I have no answer to his decision....

"You will know that forgiveness has begun when you recall those who hurt you and feel the power to wish them well."

Lewis B. Smedes - Forgive & Forget: Healing the Hurts We Don't Deserve