Have a magical new year 2014

Hi there it has been a very long time since I last wrote on my blog. And I wish all of you a blessed and magical new year.

The last two years 2012 - 2013,  life has been busy and a lot had happened.  One word to describe the life has been great  and I have no single regret that I have enjoyed all the ups and down.

Kids and my work are going well. I know the journey gets better everyday I have the family always thinking and love me. While I  am trying to pursue better life,  I have made and enriched my soul towards being positive.

To the people I love,  I thank you for being there for me abd support me.

Happy Wesak Day 2011

First and foremost, a blessed Wesak to all. Hope the Buddha teaching and guidance stay in your heart !

This is the 3rd year, I have volunteered myself to the temple and I was assigned to the oil lamp service desk. Arriving on the eve of this gracious day, I helped out in pasting label of generous contributors all seeking for great blessing in life. The area is beautifully decorated with unlit oil lamp in glass.

The ceremony was to begin at 7pm, unfortunately or fortunately a heavy down pour or I should say a freak storm hit the town. All you can observed people standing in one hall or area of the temple, waiting for the rain to stop. As soon as the rain stopped, the sight is gradually filled up with people walking with umbrella. The lighting ceremony was delayed till 8.30pm and Chief Monk Ratana and fellow sangkha in the temple presented the lighting ceremony.

As the time get closer to 11pm, rain has stopped for all worshippers to continue their prayers for Lord Buddha on this very special englightment day. The temple was then packed with devotees, and our counter was really busy. My duty was to end by 10pm, however seeing the flow of people coming to the counter, I stayed on till 11.30 pm.

I started the day at 5am, reporting to the temple at 6am, attending the morning service, feeling the sense of comfort....haha some kind of after prayer's effect. I went back to my position and just enjoying the work given. Just before the arrival of the DPM, the monk has requested for all counters, volunteers to stop work and meditate for 5 minutes. We performed Metta meditation ~ my favourite. The temple was in total silence (nearly) and just imagine the peacefulness.

To my enlightenment, I find place of worship like this and the significant of oil lamp performs to acquire merit or to avert evil influence, the blessing does not limit to just Buddhist devotees. I have received name of other religion and the temple seen crowded with visitors be it Muslim, Christian and many other nationalities.

It is to my amaze...I truly enjoyed my voluntary work yesterday evening and this morning. The day hasn't stopped after my duty, I came home to take my 3 precious to FGS and to perform the prayers. The kids thoroughly enjoyed the ritual of bathing the Buddha. It's the symbol of inner purification for one. Just in case you like to know what to chant...or for me to remember in the near future, the following should be chant :

1st wash : May I eliminate all evil thoughts

2nd wash : May I cultivate good deeds

3rd wash : May I save all living beings

That was the end of my Wesak Day...a little hectic but it's all worthwhile.

Sadhu Sadhu Sadhu..may all be well, peaceful and happy !

Seasons change

I woke up at 7am, told myself it is time to go for the morning walk, but didn't make it as I went back to sleep....

Soon woke up again at 8.30 am and kids made decision for me must go for the walk. The weather has been a bit overcast not too hot. Guess it is a public holiday I didn't see others walking...or I was late this morning.

As I walk, I look around the surrounding and it brings back some memories. There is no four seasons here in Malaysia, but the seasonal change to me is when the flower blooms. I remember it is always around April to May my favourite sight on the ground where the Angsana flowers covers the street turning it into a yellow carpet....awesome.

Though we do not have a distinctive autumn where falling yellow leaves are seen...but in my heart, this is my seasonal change and love it.

Growing up kids

It is now an absolute certainty that I am a divorcee and the children are all under my custody. Recently I read in the newspaper about this 12 years old Bi-Anne who is in between the two parents and both side has a story. What would be the outcome ? Who knows and how will it affect all the three persons, it surely will but to what extend, I can't be sure. There are many assumption, if she lives with her mum in London, she will probably grow up in a different environment, receive different educational system, on the other side, if she lives with her dad, what would be the environment as the dad said in the newspaper, he lives in Jinjang and his lifestyle and environment is associated with gangsterism even though he was not involved. Good luck to them !

Another friend who is not in good relationship with the wife, is going through temporary separation. I asked him what is the motive of your wife taking the children away ? He answered, is the ultimate term that he should come back to her. Will one just say ok and go back to the marriage ? Can anyone think beyond all and sacrifice for the sake of the children ? To continue to live in an estranged relationship for the sake of the children ? It's tough and not easy and in my case, I think it is easier, one party decided firmly and left no alternative for at all.

I have three growing up kids, they have been through with me since 2007 separation. These days kids are much more matured that you think. They can sense what is happening in the family and they cope with it. It is now coming to 4 years, I often asked myself can I carry on this life, a life that is healthy for them, educating them the right way ? Am I good enough to guide them to be successful ? Can I do it ? What if I fail, what would happen to them ?

When this thought comes by, I fear and fear even more ! I also tell myself there is only so much you can do ! Don't push yourself too much ! I had my relative who told me she decided to be a housewife as her salary would not be enough to pay for the maid and other expenses, her choice is to stay at home and give the children the motherly love. Hearing this, I began to think if my children are getting enough love and attention from me ? How much can a single mum handle work and kids together ? I must be honest that it is not easy at all, I have my limits and when they get too loud or overly hyper, I need them to stop. It is very confusing at times, when they are so happy, rejoicing and playing together but I told them to slow down, am I stopping them to be happy ? Is this right ?

Just some of my thoughts and I feel the kids are doing ok....they are growing up to be more understanding !

Love you all kids !

What is my scorecard for 2010 ?

Hi there, it has been a few months since my last post ! I still enjoy writing but work has been really busy. Thankfully for this and feel really grateful !

Hope everyone out there is as excited as I do to usher the new year in just less than 3 days. I have posted this on my facebook :

Each new year is a reminder to celebrate all the things that are good in your world, the people you love, the places you are part of, unforgettable moments in life, breathe your life with a smile and sincerely I hope your heart is filled with lots of little reasons to celebrate in this new year !

I like it very much, it reminds me to look at 362 days that have gone past in an eventful ways and now I look forward to more reasons to make 2011 a better one.

What is my scorecard for 2010? I think I have passed with flying colors ! I am happy and I want to get a distinction for 2011. This year has been truly challenging for me both personal life and career wise. I look forward to 2011 and I have a feeling it is going to be a good one.

Keep going is the statement I often been told ! I believe it drives to where I am now :)

Cheers to all for a wonderful success in 2011 !

Finally it happened !

What kind of title is this ? I don't know how to title it a better way and guess what you are about to read below will explain why !

It is 3 years now and the divorce is over though not fully finalised. The kids have not met my ex-husband for the last 3 years, I think there were occasions that I met him without the kids, and I always have this daunting feeling of what is the reaction if the kids see him. I have even asked them what would be their feelings and reaction if they meet their father. The children answered "I don't know".

Tonight, my son hadn't had his dinner before tuition, so took all with me for a supper. I saw my ex's car and next I saw him walked into the restaurant. He saw me while I was talking on the phone, and he walked straight into the restaurant. In less than 5 minutes, he walked out again. I feel the kids saw him but couldn't recognise him at all.

I thought when he saw us, he might come by and say hello....sadly his decision to ignore us is affirmed by his action tonight. I think it is good as this will not disturb the children, actually I feel I need to thank him for this. Otherwise, I have to worry the post effect of seeing him again after 3 years.

So sad or so glad, what is the answer ? Or I should go to another restaurant next time...

It has happened finally...I don't look forward to it anymore. It's really tough for me, I can't deal with this emotion swift. Me and the kids are coping well with our lives now.