Life after two years

Past few weeks have been exhausted and tiring. I traveled so much that I can feel the body is rejecting and I feel depriving from sleep. More traveling coming soon..not complaining because I chose to let it happen.

I feel so sorry for my children that I have been away from home, I have no choice at times work requires me to travel. I guess this is all about life.

Few days ago when I came back from trip, I saw my ex driving in town. I felt uncomfortable because I feel bad and sad that I left the kids with the maid where he could have spend sometime with the children. Sadly he didn't want to be associated with the children and it is now more than 2 years.

This is one of the hardest thing for me being 100% single mom with 100% responsibility of the children. I miss them and when I get home, they drive me crazy.

Whenever I look back what happened two years ago, I remember I was down, I was weak and emotional. I often asked why it has to happen ? Why it has to be me? The future is bleak, blur and I was confused. Then I come to accept the problem and now I feel whatever has to happen, has happened and I just have to live with it. My girl friend met him recently and told me he has put on weight, I am glad he is taking care of himself well. He met his love of his life (that is how he wrote to me...was hurtful reading it then) and I take it as a blessing that someone is there for him when his life is turning towards the worst time. I know I have suffered and hurt too by accepting this fact.

It is now more than 2 years..there is no more what if and why questions. I have let go of the thought. That part of my life was the worst I have ever experienced. Perhaps that is the path that I need to go beyond. I told myself, it can only get better and better. I am seeing progress and there is light at the end of the tunnel, and I am seeing it gradually.

I read this and it is very motivating "All you can do is give your best effort until bedtime. Let tomorrow take care of itself"