Having an affair

I read this interesting article about becoming mistress. And I have wrote a post on similar topic before. What is noticeably different in affairs is when one is kept as a "secret" and one becomes an "open" relationship.

When it is a secret relationship, it takes a lot more for the woman to cope with having a man in her life that she can only see him once awhile. It is also more peaceful for the relationship. When the man goes home, he is seen as a responsible father and loving husband...hmmmm some times it may not be. As for the woman, it is the loneliness she has to deal with.

When the relationship is open and "accidentally" known to the family, it surely will create unrest situation in the family, shocking and unbelievable that their loving father is loving someone else. In some instances, the mistress can be as young as his children. A lot of time, the man is not happy with his marriage life or he lacks something in his life and found it from the mistress. Mistress is just a woman who happens to be hook up to a married man, she can be a very kind and modest lady who know how to take care of her man, please spare an understanding and not to discriminate.

Once the relationship is no longer a secret, I feel it is time for the man to make some decision. Some situation can turn very ugly and it maybe fights between two women or more....like those in the movie. The man will have to make a choice how to deal with the situation. To leave the mistress or to have best of both world. To have best of both world, for the mistress it may seems easier, as they have started on the ground that she knew he is married and the relationship has been secret anyway, but for the wife, she needs to live a life behind a shadow, she needs to regain total trust or just live to accept it.

Sometimes I feel if two persons choose to love in such circumstances (affairs relationship), it is best to keep it private or secret as much as possible. As long as they are happy with the company even though times spent together is short. To be able to find a person who makes you happy is not easy, why makes it miserable when you found each other ? Love is a gift...make it worthwhile when you are in love. Life is too short to love!

Just my thoughts about having an affair.

Once you get yourself stable, you can reach out !

This is something I read in the paper today and it means a lot. When one person has to deal with life situation that occurred unexpectedly, a death, a dream shattered or the family is broken, to get over the reality is not about 1 - 2 months, in fact the timing is unknown.

This quote "Once you get yourself stable, you can reach out" is a reminder to me! Am I stable with my situation ? Sometimes I feel yes but why do I still hug my pillow and cry sometimes ? Am I not over yet ? I am also confused with my state of mind. I feel I have walked out of this dark shadow and ready to reach out which I think I have, and I have stand tall, chin up to face the society. Maybe I put up a brave front as I know there is no better way to deal with it.

Life goes on and I choose a new life that is full of energy, happiness and great health. I reminded myself that my children depended upon me to be a good mom and I have to move on. Seriously only if you are in my shoes you will understand how to deal with 3 kids. Kids being kids they are inquisitive, mischievous and not all time mommy's good kids, they drive me up the wall when they are not obedient. What I am trying to say is I need a breather.

A breather is necessary for me otherwise I will become cynical and emotional unstable. I mean it is serious because at times I wonder if I am suffering from mild depression. I am just over sensitive I think, and I am not. Maybe because I am just stressed and a bit under the weather since few days back.

Conclusion is...I am stable but occasionally still quite disturb by the life situation. I have a life to deal with and it is my life and not depended on someone to deal with it on my behalf. I can share it but I shouldn't expect someone to shoulder it for me.

And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years

~ Abraham Lincoln

All I know is this is a life long journey...LIVE Life, LAUGH a lot, LOVE forever.

Metta to all who loves me :)

I am so sick

It has been a long while since I fell sick like this. This time I lost my voice and thankfully I hadn't developed any fever or body ache.

I feel really awful and tired due to the sore throat and energy level is dropping. The worst was I had an event yesterday in the midst of my terrible sore throat. I attended meetings with client and running all over to get things done.

Thankfully the event went well, client is very happy and pleased with all the arrangement. The attendance was 100%. Though it is just a simple appreciation luncheon, I must say it went really well. We decorate the place to create the ambiance for Chinese New Year. I do have to thank the restaurant staff for their great supports from the day I liaised with them. Yesterday the kitchen had to cope with cooking for 120 peoples and the staff were all smiling and yet very attentive to my last minutes request. Maybe I should mention the restaurant...AMARIN heavenly THAI.

Now, I am recuperating from the exhaustion that I have to miss the company trip to HCM. I would love to join everyone but my family comes first. My little girl is down with fever and cough and went for check up twice and still not improving. I need to regain my voice.....I need to be energetic again, that's me.

Have a good weekend !

With metta always :)

Parents Orientation Day

Today is the parent orientation day for my baby girl's kindergarten. I attended and found a lot of goodness in it. Even though I have two other older kids, I don't remember I have attended such event, maybe they called it differently such as meet the parents day, purely for the purpose of collecting report cards.

I chose this school for my little baby is because of their curriculum is different from what other school offers. I must say I wasn't fully understood it till today I have a better picture, and to a lot of the parents, they felt the same too.

This school is the more expensive than the school that my older children had attended. I am quite happy to see my baby girl's progress so far. The comment from the teacher has been very encouraging. On weekly basis, I get to see her progress through the communication book, also for me to share my comments about her.

I am so proud of my girl..it is my hope that she will grow up as a all rounder in every aspect in life ! I hope she will grow up to be a girl full of confident and most of all, a very happy and cheerful person.

Detaching soon

The lawyer just informed me that soon it will be finalised....I am detaching soon and I will have a new status written on all the forms or check those boxes that says DIVORCEE.

Previously if there is a column that says SEPARATED, I would choose that. Sometimes when the form only have SINGLE or MARRIED....hmmmmm what to fill ??

Anyway..it is just a title given to me at this point of time...what is more important is my life ahead. I choose a LIFE, I choose to LOVE and I choose a good HEALTH.

Am I happy...yes I am, after this 27 months of not knowing what will happen..finally is about to conclude. It may not be the best solution but at least one step at a time to making my life a better one. I certainly hope it will end well.

I am almost there....thank you all for the supports. Good night with metta :)

What a stressful week

I have just gone through a very stressful week.

It started since last weekend all because of the email from him, then the whole week of managing a meeting follow by the lost of my wallet on Friday.

I must admit that age is catching up and also maybe I haven't been doing this for awhile. Few years back, I have no problem managing travel related events, sleep very little yet full of energy to last the entire duration. This one week away managing on site plus a lot of running around is so tiresome.

Somehow I feel very pressured because of some difficulties and changes made by client. I felt kind of unprepared..but whatever it is, I know I have worked on it and delivered what is best. The result is not as good as I have expected...

The worst was when I lost my wallet on Friday in the middle of a very busy day. It is a full day event that started as early as 6.00am. I only had about 4 hours sleep before that and after the first half of the event, I realised my wallet was not in my bag. I actually panicked and started to look around in the car in fact twice. After about 1 hour later, I decided that I should made a call to cancel all my bank cards. Once that was done...I told myself, they are gone, lets move on and I still have a night event to finish up.

Just as I was so so caught up with the preparation though my heart was not totally focussed, I received a call that my wallet was found in Puchong. No money left as expected..but all my documents were in tact. I felt such a relief but I can't leave to collect it because the event is about to start in less than 2 hours time. Thankfully the event went well and everybody enjoyed the night.

I went to sort out the police report and tt was 12 am and I was so sleepy while making police report. The worst is driving home with my eyes half closed. I could have rammed into some dividers that night. The next morning when I woke up, I heard my maid telling my children "come lets have LUNCH"...oh dear, I slept till noon. The routine for the weekend continued...and picked up my wallet, not very happy to keep the wallet somehow, but happy to see that all documents are there.

The stressful Saturday ended with a nice gathering with my buddies who also came to my rescue because I have no money because no atm card.....We have so much fun from afternoon tea to dinner to supper...hahahaha !

Today, a bit relaxing but still feel very tired and feel like falling sick. Vit C...I need you !

I like to post this video because this is the most hilarious show I watched during the event...! It cheers me up..

I have cried enough.........

I am in this mood tonight...found this song !

When you fail

When you fail, do you blame your self or blame others ?

What would be the initial reaction ?? How many of us actually reflect before we make the first accusation ? I know my failure in this marriage and I can only learn from it.

I am having difficulty and I am not sure if there is a need to make any explanation. Two years ago was the most unhappy moments in my life. I went through the hard time emotionally, financially and almost like the whole world was against me. I quit my job, my husband walked out, accused me of disloyal towards his love for me (don't get me wrong, nothing to do with me committing adultery....hahaha), at the end it was me feeling the betrayal when he admitted that he has a new love, loss of income source, he left me with bad debts and I have to cope with life with 3 kids.

Now two years has gone, it is time to make a closure to this relationship. He wanted a divorce and didn't want any custody of the children. And over two years, he hasn't seen the children at all and not even asked about them. He pays for the maintenance while we sort out the divorce. Divorcing a man who is so cruel towards his children's need, should I still talk about the children in my emails to him ? There is nothing to talk other than his financial responsibility towards us. I know him well, he left when he was out of control of his own world and was unable to cope and very lucky of him to find a good accusation towards me to leave the family.

He made a choice to divorce and agreed to the terms, he should bear the responsibility of his action. Since we are almost there to end the marriage, there bound to be some financial discussion involved, and he finally made his most hatred cursed on me...he blamed me for his failure in life, career and everything. He blamed me for not understanding him when he faced tough time which he just left the house and told me he found someone. He blamed me for treating him like a money printing machine...when I married him, he was never a rich man's son, he drove an old junk that broke down easily on the road. I knew he was never a rich but I see the value of him as a hard working young man with great ambition. And now, the blamed is me that destroyed him.

Since the day he wanted a divorce which I accepted it, I have no hatred and anger because I always think it is meant to happen and fated. But now, he seems to vent his anger on me and he still feel that it is my fault. He even threatened me that he will cease communication with me and he could if he wants to stop the maintenance.

It is very very very sad to hear this. I must say it has been awful last night receiving this email just before I went to bed. That is life....and it will only get better and brighter from now onwards. I am determined only to make tomorrow greater than yesterday. The old chapter is about to close...I am glad.

With metta to all :)

Coping with life

Even though I have gone through more than 2 years of separation, months of working on the divorce, and months of coping with life, getting a life and etc...I realize that coping with my life situation is not as simple as I have thought of.

I thought I have come out from the problem I was in..and I have emerged as a woman who has put every problem behind and moved on. Actually, from day one when I was still very vulnerable and emotional till now, I have only moved on in a more confident way. Everyday I see the changes in myself coping with the family. Maybe this has something to do with self esteem that I had to face while divorcing.

My children is the most important thing in my life and they are with me everyday. I learn to cope with them, their demands and life. Once I thought I could cope well, and now when I reflect I saw myself wasn't really ready and I was a lot more impatient. Now, I see myself a lot more calmer and relax when I am with them.

It is this time of the year that I feel it is a test to me. It is a new start for them and they have new schedule for me to get adjusted to. I need to plan and organise for them and to make time for myself. Previously it was only 2 children attending school, now all 3 are...and it also means that my expenses have gone up.

Life is never easy...just take it easy !

A walk down the memory lanes

The last day of 2009 I decided to start the spring cleaning. I have been thinking a lot about it months ago but don't know why, just couldn't start it. Finally, I decided that I have to do it because I want a good start for 2010.

The spring cleaning is actually to remove the personal items of my Ex. He left the house 2 years ago and never removed anything. Everything was in its original place for more than 2 years. I am glad that my maid was really helpful. As for me I need to sort out things on behalf of him is not easy. When I look at his personal belongings..I started to think if is necessary to keep still if those items were never touched for 2 years ??

While sorting out the things, I came across some photos. These photos took me down the memory lanes of the time when we were still courting, various trips that we went before we got married and eventually the wedding photos and some photos with the children. I also found some documents while I was planning the wedding including the wedding invitation list and greeting cards from friends who attended our wedding.

So the spring cleaning process is not that easy and it can be emotional if I was still fragile and emotional. It is also good to do it now after 2 years and I no longer feel sour and hurt so badly. If I have done it earlier, I could have done it emotionally.

Now I am happy because I have done a major one and it is also good for CNY preparation. This exercise seems to me like a "revamp" or "reorganising" my life.

Glad I did it :) A new year with a new life for a new ME !

十全十美的祝福

I received these lovely wishes and thought it is nice to share with all of you here. Hope the same goes to you too, thanks :)

新年恭喜你：
一帆风顺、
二龙腾飞、
三羊开泰、
四季平安、
五福临门、
六六大顺、
七星高照、
八方来财、
九九同心、
十全十美、
百事亨通、
千事吉祥、
万事如意！

New 2010

HAPPY NEW YEAR !!! 祝大家新年快乐！

My very first post for 2010..........

I kept the children stayed up just to witness the new year. From our balcony and the windows of the condo, we have many different fireworks to usher the new year. Now I am no longer feeling uneasy but very happy.

Guess what was I doing about 2 hours before the new year ???? I was clearing some old stuff of my ex...I went through boxes and piles of documents and also found lots of photos, as if I have just walked through some memory lanes of our lives together. Our wedding and honey moon photos as well as many photo over the years. I also found a receipt of a hotel stay at some resort that I was never there before......hahahahaa !

It is over...finally the lawyer managed to speak to him and he is sending the documents over by next week. Keeping my fingers crossed :)

The first phone call was to my parents....and I made a long distance call too.

Once again, this is a year with great promises and dreams will come true for all !

Love and metta to all :)