When you fail

When you fail, do you blame your self or blame others ?

What would be the initial reaction ?? How many of us actually reflect before we make the first accusation ? I know my failure in this marriage and I can only learn from it.

I am having difficulty and I am not sure if there is a need to make any explanation. Two years ago was the most unhappy moments in my life. I went through the hard time emotionally, financially and almost like the whole world was against me. I quit my job, my husband walked out, accused me of disloyal towards his love for me (don't get me wrong, nothing to do with me committing adultery....hahaha), at the end it was me feeling the betrayal when he admitted that he has a new love, loss of income source, he left me with bad debts and I have to cope with life with 3 kids.

Now two years has gone, it is time to make a closure to this relationship. He wanted a divorce and didn't want any custody of the children. And over two years, he hasn't seen the children at all and not even asked about them. He pays for the maintenance while we sort out the divorce. Divorcing a man who is so cruel towards his children's need, should I still talk about the children in my emails to him ? There is nothing to talk other than his financial responsibility towards us. I know him well, he left when he was out of control of his own world and was unable to cope and very lucky of him to find a good accusation towards me to leave the family.

He made a choice to divorce and agreed to the terms, he should bear the responsibility of his action. Since we are almost there to end the marriage, there bound to be some financial discussion involved, and he finally made his most hatred cursed on me...he blamed me for his failure in life, career and everything. He blamed me for not understanding him when he faced tough time which he just left the house and told me he found someone. He blamed me for treating him like a money printing machine...when I married him, he was never a rich man's son, he drove an old junk that broke down easily on the road. I knew he was never a rich but I see the value of him as a hard working young man with great ambition. And now, the blamed is me that destroyed him.

Since the day he wanted a divorce which I accepted it, I have no hatred and anger because I always think it is meant to happen and fated. But now, he seems to vent his anger on me and he still feel that it is my fault. He even threatened me that he will cease communication with me and he could if he wants to stop the maintenance.

It is very very very sad to hear this. I must say it has been awful last night receiving this email just before I went to bed. That is life....and it will only get better and brighter from now onwards. I am determined only to make tomorrow greater than yesterday. The old chapter is about to close...I am glad.

With metta to all :)