Almost 20 years ago, there is this young lady who was caught up with a married man who was 20 years her senior. Their relationship has been a secret through the years they been together. They spent almost 10 years together and not a single day, this lady has asked him to stay over with her, fully understand her status as a mistress and no intention to break his family. But then, he is all she has.
She is young and in her twenties, she finally found her man of her choice, started courting and her married boy friend was aware as well. They had talks about how their affair going to lead, he can't promise her any future as he will not divorce his wife, and she needed to lead a proper life, courtship and further into marriage and setting up family.
He fully understood his constraint and do feel happy for her. However, this relationship that they had for many years would cause both of them some pain when it had to stop. On one hand he knew he couldn't keep her forever as she will be marrying her husband soon. But they have been together for a long time. Finally, they needed to break up, it was a painful and emotional one.
The girl made the choice to stop her relationship with her married bf completely as she doesn't and she knew she couldn't handle 2 men at the same time. She wanted to be a one man woman and chose to be a loyal wife to the husband and stay focused and committed in her marriage. She has to break his heart and they never met since then. Her boy friend knew of her affair while she was sorting out to end it.
Though they ended the affairs, she has never forgotten how her married bf has taken care of her and she treasured that part of her life being with him, as she knew the break up has caused him much pain. They met again, just a casual meeting, but somehow he still has physical attraction towards her. She ignored and avoided him as she doesn't want to make any mistake in her marriage. Even till today, she remains non committal into relationship with him anymore.
They remain as casual friend who rarely meet up for a drink even they do it would be with other friends, only that. Reason is simple, she doesn't feel comfortable to be alone with him any more.
Question to my reader :
She is young and in her twenties, she finally found her man of her choice, started courting and her married boy friend was aware as well. They had talks about how their affair going to lead, he can't promise her any future as he will not divorce his wife, and she needed to lead a proper life, courtship and further into marriage and setting up family.
He fully understood his constraint and do feel happy for her. However, this relationship that they had for many years would cause both of them some pain when it had to stop. On one hand he knew he couldn't keep her forever as she will be marrying her husband soon. But they have been together for a long time. Finally, they needed to break up, it was a painful and emotional one.
The girl made the choice to stop her relationship with her married bf completely as she doesn't and she knew she couldn't handle 2 men at the same time. She wanted to be a one man woman and chose to be a loyal wife to the husband and stay focused and committed in her marriage. She has to break his heart and they never met since then. Her boy friend knew of her affair while she was sorting out to end it.
Though they ended the affairs, she has never forgotten how her married bf has taken care of her and she treasured that part of her life being with him, as she knew the break up has caused him much pain. They met again, just a casual meeting, but somehow he still has physical attraction towards her. She ignored and avoided him as she doesn't want to make any mistake in her marriage. Even till today, she remains non committal into relationship with him anymore.
They remain as casual friend who rarely meet up for a drink even they do it would be with other friends, only that. Reason is simple, she doesn't feel comfortable to be alone with him any more.
Question to my reader :
- If today she is single again, do you think she should go back to him ?
- Is she a disloyal person based on her decision to end the relationship and not considering to go back to him?
- If this man still have intention to have physical relationship, do you think he is into real caring relationship and true love with her still ? Or merely just a lust ? After all they had not had any relationship ever since she got married.
- They have 10 years relationship but today what remains is only a phone call in a few months and they do not have close relationship anymore, do you think if she moves on her life to meet other is a sigh of disloyal to her past relationship ?
I hope to have your comment ! Thanks !
7 comments:
For your listed questions:
1. I think YES cos she still keep in contact with him. If you don't wanna disturb other's happy marriage then go OFF and stop contact once and for all.
2. What she did is obviously correct. Do you want others to do some damage to ur marriage as well? rite?
3. Men is always a men. Nothing will changed.... yes this man does know he has responsibilities but he doesn't know one thing. Accountability!
4. She should moved on and STOP contact totally. Not even had a chance to see him in life. Forgetting is hard ut starting again is easy. So becareful!
Whoever this girl is, maybe is your friend, i still gotta say this... i hate a girl who is involved into other's marriage life. If she knows it at first, she can just quit. Put a full stop instead of pressing the pedal. She gotta one thing, when things reli turn ugly, the one who will suffer is herself. Until the time his wife stand in front of you, the husband will definitely help her instead of you. No matter who is wrong or right, the wife will definitely blame you and the husband will be gone and you gotta bare that all by yourself.
Sorry to say so much, im reli sensitive towards this. I hate third parties.
aaahh, it was nice while it last, but it can only be memories with no future. live on, for the future beckons and let the past be but a derailed part of a journey which we call life.
1) If she is capable to love a married man and be strong then maybe she can go for it, if both party really loves each other, however why bother loving a man who cannot be there for her night and day when there are so many out there that she can find...
2) She is not. She is just being smart and grow up from her fantasy world
3) Well, I would say the man do not have what he has in his marriage thus he probably saw someting in her that he finds the wife is lacking. Mostly man has affair due to it
4) Since they have already break up, why bother to dig out the old wounds and start all over again when there is no happy endings? Unless the girl wish to ask for more, like a hand of marriage.... whatever it is, it is not about disloyalty, but more like being smart and wake up from those so call love spells... and be realistic about her situation in life....
there are a lot out there that she can strive for ...career, men and friends...
as her to expand her horizon to seek for the one that will care for her more
whatever she has is just 10 years of good memories...so let it be as it is ...and do not destroy such memories by making the same mistake twice!
JustinKC, thanks for the comment. 1. In my opinion she shouldn't go back to him as she really wanted to avoid him.
2. Agreed with you.
She no longer has the same feeling she had with him many years ago. And only she knows if she could be having the same comfort and enjoys his company. There are only memories of the good and bad times they had before left in her.
Anon, yes she has derailed once, don't think so she wants to do it again and he is still a married man.
Lisalicious, thanks for visiting my blog.
Somehow, women think differently from the man, I agreed with you and true enough all these years, he wasn't getting what he needed from his wife.
Thanks all for your comment.
1. No. Some things should stay in the past. It's always good to live for the present for a better future. There is still so much more in the world to see. No point being held back by old mistakes.
2. No she isn't, but then again it's hard to put a finger on disloyalty when it was an affair, but in retrospect, she wasn't the one having the affair, she was the object of it. If she broke up because she didn't want to cause any more grief, then she did the right thing...though 10 years too late.
3. For men, as a man, it's hard to say. Men tend to think more with their nether regions so as such, love and sex can be intertwined. But consider this, he didn't want to leave the wife and he had an affair. It means one thing, he's too cowardly to act on a single thing. Most probably, it's for the sex and you'd be surprised how long can things last based on just sex.
4. As I said from my first point, there is a difference in respecting the past and living in it. Respecting the past is learning what mistakes a person made so that it can never happen again. Sometimes we just have to wipe it clean from our minds and move on. Not to say forget it, chances are, those relationships made her what she is today. It's not something that can be forgotten. What she has to do is to take it and make something out of it. That much is what respecting the past be about.
Kamigoroshi, thanks for your comment.
She has not been disloyal as she has made the right choice to stay away from being involved in affairs again. The decision to stay out would have avoided any unpleasant situation to his marriage.
Like what JustinKC said, it is easy to start again, thus she prefers to stop as he is still married man after all who can't even pick up her call in the presence of his wife.
Do you think she wants to go back to this life again !
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