How love heals pain from the past...

An interesting blog http://www.moonpointer.com/, that I like to share with you.  Below is one of the post under "A love history"

How Love Heals Pain from the Past

Continued from: http://moonpointer.com/index.php?itemid=2352 

Zeph flipped through an old journal and found an entry dated 27/11/94. It was about Tam, who “broke” his heart when she became attached with a mutual close friend - “It breaks my heart that it doesn't break your heart that our friendship is fading away [due to the tension]. Maybe you‘re a master of letting go; maybe I’m a slave to clinging on. Why cross that line from friends to lovers? Can't friends love each other too? Maybe I just can't understand the love that you want though I'm already loving you with all my heart already as a friend. I realise nothing has changed except that you will be spending more time with your love. I guess I'm just jealous.”

Almost 5 years later, Zeph meets Tam with another old friend for dinner. Tam was passing through and just thought of meeting up them to see how they were. Zeph called Lynn to see whether she could join them - but she couldn't make it. There was an awkward silence from Zeph at the dinner table. Even Zeph didn't know why he was so unnaturally quiet himself. Right after the dinner, Zeph left the table. He met up with Lynn later, and told her what happened, asking her if she had any clue why he behaved the way he did.

Lynn smiled and said, “Maybe you wanted me to be around, to let her know someone loves you, appreciates you, more than her - but most of all, you wanted her to know your loving me really made me happy. You never thought you could ever make someone happy with your love because you gave her everything and she didn't understand.” Zeph squeezed her hand, water welling in his eyes, “That is so true. I had never changed - my sincerity towards her. She broke my heart - but you mended it,” Zeph said, “I don't hold a torch for her now. She is happy with another good friend and I'm glad. I guess that is a kind of Appreciative Joy that the Buddha taught about, an aspect of True Love. But I just felt it was so unfair that she never really treasured my concern for her. I wanted her to know my love had value, that it changed your life, just like your love changed mine. I'm a lousy Bodhisattva with imperfect love - who wants appreciation.”

Sometimes we miss those who really love us in life, and we don't know what we have missed even after they had passed on by. Sometimes we think we let go of past hurt, but we havn't really let go. Zeph never loved anyone wholeheartedly ever since Tam broke his heart, but Lynn's love taught his hardened heart how to do it again. Love softened Zeph's heart, but it can be softer still, more loving - not just towards her, but all others. Zeph had thought he was beyond worldly love, that he could leap to loving all - all at once - like the enlightened do. But his heart had gone cold. He did not even love himself enough - in a healthy way. He was deceiving himself in s self-righteous way.

He loved Lynn so much that he knew he was strongly attached to her. Where do you go from here? He knows he still wants liberation from all attachment - enlightenment. Wanting love, wanting to be loved is not his real spiritual goal - his real goal is to love - unconditionally - as many beings as he can. He's not here to find love, or to be loved - that is a bonus if it happens. He wants to love. Being loved will always be seen as a luxury, a blessing, not to be indulged in. Lynn wants liberation too - and they are to be spiritual partners, not worldly lovey-dovey ones. They have to keep remembering that.

Zeph's heart still bleeds, pained by the suffering of others. He remembers why he became a Buddhist - because it breaks his heart that others' hearts are breaking because of suffering. In fact, he really came to know and love Lynn only when he discovered he could heal her heart, which was broken in so many ways. All he had to do was be there for her - to listen deeply to all her sadness. He did not really do anything special. He just listened - and told her it was okay to accept and let it all go. This was enough to heal her. Healing Lynn healed Zeph too - for he was haunted by Tam's remark years ago, that he never really listened to her. Lynn was healed by his mindful attention just as Zeph was. The healing was literally overnight - as they spoke and listened to each other deeply one night - till daybreak. Suddenly, at the break of dawn, their hearts felt light and free of their previous burdens.

And in the process, he discovered how beautiful a person Lynn was, how well she could love the world - in so many ways better than him. He had much to learn from her. He's not strong enough to not cry tears of weakness, overwhelmed by the boundless bodhisattvic task that still is uncompleted. They say some Bodhisattvas cry in the beginning for all beings, out of their unbearable overflowing compassion - may these tears are like theirs. Their tears make them stronger, more determined, not weaker. The path to perfect loving of the Bodhisattvas is not easy. Loving is never easy, never was. That is why love is so precious, so precious that it should never be bound by strings of attachment and whatnots. That is why we envy the Bodhisattvas. That is why we want to be like them. 

Originally written on 19/09/99: 
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/TheDailyEnlightenment/message/164 

Continues at: http://moonpointer.com/index.php?itemid=2354